I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
