omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
