So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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