last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
