So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
