new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
should my penis look like a turkey
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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