do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
