There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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