you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
