If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize