his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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