I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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