Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
