I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
