Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
