I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
