The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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