sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
