butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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