rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize