I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
