Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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