i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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