he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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