Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
