Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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