4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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