as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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