At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
