A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
