Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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