Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
