I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
