I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize