Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize