so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
