I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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