dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
