Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
