Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Less talking, more tequila
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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