There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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