did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
