I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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