I think I am morally bankrupt
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
