And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize