Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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