I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
