Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
