my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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