I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Randomize