I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
