ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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