Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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