Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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