I need help removing her.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
