I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
