in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I could fuck to npr.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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