How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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