everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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