You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
