I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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