her vagine was all disorganized.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i will never coherently bang her
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize