Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
