a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
