nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize