you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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