Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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