So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
