At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
