I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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