she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize