When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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